The Crossroads Between Should and Must

"The two days that are most important in your life are, the day you are born, and the day you find out why". A Mark Twain quote used in the essay The Crossroads Between Should and Must, exemplifies what Elle Luna was trying to convey in her essay about following intuition and reason. After reading the paper, I was left in awe. Finally, the feelings that were at the time deemed unexplainable were eloquently spoken in a way where it all made sense. Just a few months ago, I was very unsure of where I wanted to go to college, what I wanted to do, and what I wanted to major in. For my ENTIRE life I was implanted with dreams of going to Stanford and UCLA (dreams that were shattered on March 27th) and becoming a surgeon or doctor of the brain, you know, go big or go home. But as the time got closer to applying to colleges and choosing a major, the less and less I was sure about what I wanted to do. Going to med school, becoming pre-med, and choosing to click on those biology and chemistry majors was a struggle and in the end, eventually ended up not happening. At one point I even remember I had a different major selected for every college I applied to, the product of being a very indecisive person. I know what I love doing, I know what I am passionate about, I know what I find interesting, and I know what I am good at and what I am not so good at. So how was that supposed to help me with choosing a major? Well it didn't because I am still very lost in the abyss of college majors even though I got into 9 schools under a psychology major. I do enjoy learning about reason, why people do things, and all those gadgets and gizmos, but how does it relate to what I LOVE doing?

With Elle's essay about the should and must roads, I've been led to believe that this could be the doing of my parents influence. Their need of being overbearing and wanting me to be successful has driven me to choose a major/career that fulfills their needs more than it fulfills mine. They want the best for me, but perhaps just don't understand what is best for me. I love the outdoors, I love helping and traveling, I have great people skills, I love to be active, and I could go on. But how can I convert that to their dreams of me becoming a doctor, a lawyer, an engineer? I even fooled myself into believing that I want to go to graduate school after to get a PHD in Psychology and becoming a psychiatrist for PTSD victims, or even joining Doctors Without Borders. Even joining the air force after graduate school became a tantalizing thought for quite awhile. It's awful to know that when someone asks me what I want to do, that these answers will be the first things I say. These thoughts are really only what they want to hear. It's not my genuine self. What I want to be could can be controversial. It could be unorthodox. It could be outlandish. But it could also just be the real me.

So where am I really when it comes to this fork? I can't say I have come upon it often but I do believe that it's occurred at very important moments in my life. The essay is quite truly an art piece of it's own. It integrates what Elle loves, painting and making art, and what she can be good at. This is a must read article for anyone who is on that bubble of becoming who they truly are meant to be in this oyster.